Four months into being 26 and I’m coming to some realizations that I think you ladies can relate to. Full disclosure: I’m sitting on the couch in the middle of the day on a Saturday with no plans, sipping on a cocktail in my bikini watching Pretty Little Liars while periodically reading a book in the backyard and catching some rays. I couldn’t ask for more.

I’ve been reading “I like you just the way I am” by Jenny Mollen.  This woman (wife of Jason Biggs) is pretty funny and isn’t afraid to say whatever is on her mind. I respect any female that isn’t afraid to tell the world that she’s totally obsessed with herself. Which brings me to my first point; As a 20-something you don’t need to know who you are but you should love the shit out of yourself no matter what. As a woman, confidence is key. We’re always comparing ourselves to other women around us. That’s never going to stop but the least we can do is be honest with ourselves about it. While you’re busy envying how skinny the bitch next to you is or how cute her outfit looks on her, remember that there are women analyzing and being jealous of you as well. Being comfortable in your own skin gets people’s attention. Don’t be shy. Give other girls something to talk about.

The next thing we need to drill into our heads is that we’re never going to have that ever-coveted “inner thigh gap”. Scan twitter, pinterest, facebook, etc and you’ll see articles and exercises that promise you can keep your upper thighs from touching. It’s all a lie! If you haven’t seen that gap since middle school, it’s not coming back. Not without developing an eating disorder, anyway.

If you still mark your legal marriage status as “single” it doesn’t mean you’ll be alone forever or you’re going to be the cat lady out of your group of girl friends. Marriage is nothing to rush into. So many women set a timeline for their life and fall into a spiraling depression when things don’t fall into place. Married by 24, first baby at 25, second at 27…what a crock of shit. Let life happen the way it’s going to happen. It’s okay to have other goals. It’s okay to want to be able to carry your own weight and not just be someone’s husband. I am woman, hear me roar. My career and the respect I have in the professional world come first before anything. I love my boyfriend of almost 6 years. We live together, have pets together, the whole nine-yards, but I am in no way ready to be married to anyone, and that’s okay!

Seeing a therapist is nothing to be ashamed of. Giving in and seeing someone about my anxiety issues was the best decision I ever made. It is not a sign of weakness or proof that you’ve completely lost it, it’s a way of regaining control of yourself. All women are crazy in their own way. Talking to a professional and really being able to pull apart your actions and understanding why you do the things you do can help you be a better person. The drugs don’t hurt either.

Your childhood and college friends are not all going to stay your friends. As we grow up, our friends get married, they have kids, they move away, life happens. You’re not going to remain best friends with everyone. That’s not to say those people won’t be there for you when you need them, they just have different priorities. If you are putting in more effort with one of your friends are you’re not getting the same out of it, it’s probably time to back off. Friendship is like any other relationship. You should get out of it what you put in, even if it is not an immediate return on your investment. Just don’t beat yourself up if people start to fall away from your every day life.

You are better than this

If you’re feeling down, you know you can always go to Walmart and look at the gremlins around you.   Follow that by listing to some female empowering music. My go-to is some Beyonce. Buy yourself a hot new outfit, go out and get hit on and you’re a new woman. First Female Commandment: thou shall love thyself.